Monday, August 31, 2009
I still don't fit in...even after losing over 125 lbs.
Blame it on Tyra Banks. On her show today she had highschool students that don't fit in. Most of the girls were overweight and said that people treated them different because of thier weight. There were a few popular girls from the highschool there as well. One of the popular girls agreed to be made over into a fat chick with a fat suit. They called it a "social experiment". The girl that put on the fat suit was getting all kinds of snide remarks from the people at school. I get that all of life isn't like highschool. But, I also believe that school shapes a person into who they will be for life. My whole life has been a social experiment. I am still completely socially inept. All through school, I was the fat kid. I learned early in life that kids can be mean. Mean as hell. I learned to do anything that I could to keep people from noticing me. If I was noticed, it was just so the other kids could make fun of me and call me names because of my weight. I am still overweight, but no longer morbidly obese. However, I still have the morbidly obese mindset. I still walk with my eyes on the ground. Another learned behavior from my school days, I am sure. If I walk with my eyes looking at the ground, I don't have to meet the gaze of people that are smirking and making fun of me. I still have a hard time talking to people. I went so long being the fat girl in the corner that no one would talk to, that it is difficult for me to have a conversation with anyone. It makes me very uncomfortable to be around people that I don't know very well. I am 30 years old and I still don't fit in. I feel socially retarded. I am so socially slow that it is painful. Thinking about stuff like this makes me feel like I will never be normal and fit in no matter how much weight I lose...
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4 comments:
I know that for me, the heavier I got the less I met people in the eye. I wish I had possessed more self confidence, but I didn't.
As I lost weight, it was like a new life was beginning. On a lot of levels, not just the weight front.
I hope that you will feel valued, and that you are worth the time and effort it takes to get healthy!
I have the same problem. I've been thin a few times, but not for long. Certainly not long enough to ever get over that severe social phobia. I've seen peoples reactions to me change severely as I've gone from fat to thin to fat again. It's horrible. I've finally started to live my life without avoiding people. In fact, I've recently let myself open up to the fact that I actually need people in my life to be happy. I would have told you that was crazy just a very short time ago.
I know that deep inside you have a strong respect for yourself. If not, you wouldn't have been able to make such amazing progress so far. Congrats on all the progress you've made!
So here it is...I am 5'6" and I weigh more than you do...And about you not fitting in...you need to change the way you think...turn your negative thoughts into postive ones...say; "I have friends and I'm great to hang out with." I wish you luck on this journey and can I say that you are in this crowd and you fit in with us...you are the average woman.
I know exectly how you feel. That pretty much sums up mu life though high school to except im only 27.... im so socialy inept ive ever even had a date. but just try to rember if people arnt going to like you for who you are and not what you look like then they arnt the right ones for you... friends or otherwise.
keep your chin up and try to meet new people in diferent situations and it will get better .
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