She's just not that into you...

Yeah, I know. I am sorta stealing the name of a book for my title today. That's alright, I loved the book and learned some stuff from it. But, instead of talking about a guy not being that into me, I am talking about a girl. For the remainder of this post she will be known as Sally. (Not her real name but a spin off of her name.) My heart has been heavy for a long time concerning this person. She has been my very best friend for most of my life. We have known each other since I was born 30.5 years ago. Our moms were best friends so we were around each other all the time. We grew up together and she is 1 of only 2 people that I stayed in touch with from high school. For the last 10 years we have had times of super closeness and times of distance. 10 years ago I gave birth to my first child. Unfortunately, Sally had a hard time getting preggo. She was not there for me during or immediately after I had me son. It hurt but I tried to understand that it was painful for her to be around babies when she couldn't have one of her own. I went through a divorce when my son was 5 months old. Sally wasn't really there for me. She went through a divorce during that time too and while I tried to be there for her, I don't know if I was successful or not.

We both got remarried around the same time. I moved across the state so we didn't get to see each other very often. Once every few months I guess. I called her a bunch but she never called me back and we would go weeks at a time without talking. In 2004 I had my daughter. That seemed to make the distance grow longer between Sally and I. In 2006 Sally had her first miracle baby after several years of trying. We grew closer. I stopped feeling like I was causing pain to her by having my kids around her. She had her 2nd baby really quickly. I think they are less than 18 months apart. Sally's life got really busy and I didn't want to be the selfish needy friend so I decided to take a wait and see approach. If she had time for me then that was great but if not that was ok too. Things were ok.

Truly, if someone was telling me these things about thier friendship I would tell them that they were being petty and that relationships go through highs and lows. That is what makes a lasting friendship, being able to survive the lows. But, here is the kicker. Sally just found put that she is preggo again. Yes I am over the moon for her! I am not impressed with the way that she told me. She sent me a text message in a mass text to all of her friends. WTF? Ok, so it bothered me. It even made me wonder if we are only friends because we have always been friends or if we are friends because of something bigger. That was 3 or 4 weeks ago. I got over it. On Mon I called to see if she wanted to get together that night for a quick dinner. She told me that she couldn't because she and her dh had separated over the weekend and she had no one to watch her kiddos. WTF? Now, don't you think that you call your BEST FRIEND about something like that right after it happens for support? You don't wait a few days and casually text them about it. At least that is me. I would have called Sally. She has always been my support system. Evidently she doesn't feel the same way.

Sally's birthday was this week. I know that she is going through a lot right now so I decided to do something nice for her and take her to lunch. I called and called and she never answered. I text her later in the day to see if she was available. She text back and said that she was swamped at work and would call me back later. She never did. I haven't talked to her since.

I am not mad at her. If fact, I am kind of relieved. I have a better understanding of where I stand. I am ok bowing out. I just don't want to do that while she is going through so much. I also don't want to hang around and be the pathetic loser just hoping that she will need me. So, when is the right time to walk away? If I do it now am I an ass? Should I stay or should I go? It is obvious that she's just not that into me.