Today things look a lot different than they did yesterday. I was so down after my dr appointment yesterday. I felt hopeless and angry. I self medicated with food. A lot of food. It made me feel better for about 5 mins. Then I felt sick and my stomach hurt bad. I also felt guilty and stupid for what I had done to my body, yet again. I know that one binge will not ruin everything I have accomplished but, it will slow down my progress. It also shows me that I still have a lot to learn. I should have figured out something else to turn to in times of stress by now. I know that it is all a mind game at this point. I am taking back control right now! This second. I had my oatmeal and peanut butter for breakfast. I am about to have a cup of coffee. I will have a healthy lunch and dinner. Today will be my first day back on track. I can do this.
Whatever is going on with Jon will work itself out. We have made it this far. We will make it. Last night I was full of doubts. None of those really had to do with Jon. I was focusing on me and my failures. No more! Jon is a good man. But, he is a man. We don't always think the same way. Just because I would have went with him and/or called him doesn't mean that he felt it needed to be done. I will never understand him but, I do love him. All I need to make it work is a little bit of hope. I have hope that everything in my life will work out so, it will.
1 comment:
I love you mama!
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