I don't want to talk about it! Or maybe I do...

I am sure that you can tell that I don' want to talk about it since it has been over a month since I posted. It isn't good but it really isn't that bad either. <----That is the excuse I have been using ALL year long. That is why I now weight 162 lbs. That means in the first 9 weeks of this year I have only lost 5.5 lbs. 9 weeks-5.5lbs...not very good. It sucks that I have spent the last month losing and gaining the same 3 lbs. I have all kinds of excuses-I had pnemonia the whole month of Feb, my daughter has been sick off and on for 3 weeks, school is kicking my butt-but that is all they are: EXCUSES! The truth is harder to type out here. The truth is I have been slacking big time. I haven't been exercising at all. I could fit it into my day if I would manage my time better. I have been eating pretty much whatever I want to. I am blessed and thankful that I haven't gained a million lbs. I should have by now. I am mad at myself for my behavior over the last 2 months. When I got sick I started to use food as comfort. That is a habit I broke a long time ago. WTF? Why did I start that again? I haven't been drinking enough water. I have still been drinking around 75 oz a day, but I was drinking 2 gallons (256 ozs) a day. Lately, I have been drinking Coke Zero. That is stupid. I hadn't drank a soda in over a year until I got sick. Comfort. Has nothing changed??? I thought I had found things outside of food/drinks to comfort me. Gotta get my mind around this and NOW. Ugh. Wanna know how bad I have been lately? Yeah, me too. So, I am going to type out what I ate yesterday and try to add calorie content to it. Maybe seeing it in number will make a difference. Maybe it will make me change the direction that I am going in. Today is a new day and I CAN do this. Here we go:

5am: Apple Cinnamin oatmeal w/ 1 teaspoon peanut butter & coffee: 250 calories
9am: Chicken Biscuit w/ hashbrown & unsweet tea: 850 calories (Ouch)
4pm: Arby's Bacon Blu RoastBurger w/ fries and Pepsi: 1150 calories (my whole days worth) :(
8pm: 3 Slices Homemade Chicken pizza & salad w/ light ranch dressing & water: 600 calories
Total for the day: 2850 calories

That makes me feel sick. I knew I ate really bad, I didn't know it was that bad. Yuck. How do I fix this? It isn't so far gone that it can't be fixed. I haven't gained any weight, I am just not losing either. What did it take in the beginning to get on the wagon? Where did the determination come from? How do I get it back? Yes, I did eat 4 times yesterday. I don't usually do that. The last few weeks I have been and it has to stop now! No more excuses. I have wasted 2 months out of this year. That means I only have 10 months to lose 30 lbs. That is attainable but not if I keep eating like a cow. Weight loss got so easy and I think I got to relaxed about it all. Then the bottom fell out. To reach my year end goals I have to lose 3 lbs a month. I can do that. The NEW me starts today!

That was a lot of talking for someone who doesn't want to talk about it. :) I feel like if I talk about it and face it instead of avoiding it, things will turn around. No more hiding or avoiding. The first step is admitting you have a problem.