GAG-Sept 1st-Beginning Pics

It is not pretty. I have been all over the place with the scale lately. Last week I was 181.6, this week I am 187.6. How in the world do you gain 6 lbs in one week? I think it had something to do with the overload of carbs and meatloaf this week. But, today is a new start! GAG here I come.

I still don't fit in...even after losing over 125 lbs.

Blame it on Tyra Banks. On her show today she had highschool students that don't fit in. Most of the girls were overweight and said that people treated them different because of thier weight. There were a few popular girls from the highschool there as well. One of the popular girls agreed to be made over into a fat chick with a fat suit. They called it a "social experiment". The girl that put on the fat suit was getting all kinds of snide remarks from the people at school. I get that all of life isn't like highschool. But, I also believe that school shapes a person into who they will be for life. My whole life has been a social experiment. I am still completely socially inept. All through school, I was the fat kid. I learned early in life that kids can be mean. Mean as hell. I learned to do anything that I could to keep people from noticing me. If I was noticed, it was just so the other kids could make fun of me and call me names because of my weight. I am still overweight, but no longer morbidly obese. However, I still have the morbidly obese mindset. I still walk with my eyes on the ground. Another learned behavior from my school days, I am sure. If I walk with my eyes looking at the ground, I don't have to meet the gaze of people that are smirking and making fun of me. I still have a hard time talking to people. I went so long being the fat girl in the corner that no one would talk to, that it is difficult for me to have a conversation with anyone. It makes me very uncomfortable to be around people that I don't know very well. I am 30 years old and I still don't fit in. I feel socially retarded. I am so socially slow that it is painful. Thinking about stuff like this makes me feel like I will never be normal and fit in no matter how much weight I lose...

Joining a challenge- GAG

So, I just got brave and joined a challenge. It is a 16 week challenge and starts on Sept 1. I am hoping that the challenge will help keep me accountable. So far this year has been a free for all with eating. I have to weigh in every Tues and post my weight to the challenge. I am hanging out right round 180 lbs, I think. I will update here on Tues when I post for the challenge. Yay me. :)

Ridiculously Easy Roasted Yellow Squash and Onions | Recipe from FatFree Vegan Kitchen

This is what is for dinner in my house. Give it a try. It looks fantastic.
Ridiculously Easy Roasted Yellow Squash and Onions Recipe from FatFree Vegan Kitchen

What's for dinner? Umm, squash!

Trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight. I have been making really bad choices with cooking lately. I slipped back into the bad habit of cooking what was easiest, cheapest, or most comforting. Now that I am trying to get back on track and eat healthy I am unsure what to eat. I have never really kept a food journal (I know, I know-I should always do that) so I can't just look back and see what we were eating that was working. I do still have a few recipes that I know we like and are healthy, but in general I feel like I am starting all over. This time I am going to try to keep a food journal. It is just hard for me to remember to write it all down. No more excuses though, right? So back to dinner for tonight. I have some squash that needs to be cooked. I found this recipe http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2009/08/ridiculously-easy-roasted-yellow-squash.html . (I can't figure out how to make the link little and cute like other people do...) Looks good, huh? Now I just have to figure out what to cook with the squash. That seems to be my downfall. I can never come up with tasty and healthy sides. They are either healthy or tasty, but never both at the same time. Really, I guess the squash is more of a side with my family. Just not sure what to make with it.

Happy Birthday, Jon!

Today is my man's birthday. He is 32 today. We are in the process of growing old together. When we first got together he was 16. We have been together for half of his life. Crazy.
So much has changed in the last 16 years. Jon has a few more gray hairs in his head now. We have a ton of responsibility that we didn't have back then. I still smile every time I see him, though. I wonder if he thinks life has changed for the better. I do. :)

On the weight loss front not much has changed since the last update. I have 4 or 5 really good on track days and then I fall off of the wagon and eat everything in sight for 4 or 5 days. Tuesday was weigh in day and I was at 182 lbs. It makes me sad that I have fallen back into some of my old habits. I am up 19 lbs from my lowest weight. I am trying to figure it all out. I know it is mental and I am stress eating big time. I have been stressed about my dad and it is going to be a while before his situation improves. I can't continue to stress eat or I will be 304.5 lbs again. I don't want to go back to that. I wasn't even really living at that point. I want to live.

I seem to have a time management problem lately. Of course now that I have found a few minutes to update, the dog is barking needing to be walked. I will try again later, I guess. Be good to yourself and it will all fall into place. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!!! I LOVE YOU!

WTH? Almost 3 months again

I wont even say that I am going to post more often. It seems that every time I say that I go longer between posts than any time before. Life is crazy lately. I am sure that the summer makes like more crazy for most people. The kids are out of school for the summer so we have had less structure than usual. My parents have been having some problems that I have been trying to help them out with so that has consumed a lot of my time. I am in my second semester of college. I didn't think it was going to be as hard as it is or take as much studying as it does. Then there is the weight loss/weight gain issue that I am dealing with. I keep going up instead of down. It is a big pain in the a**. It is my own doing. I have been eating like a cow. Can't blame anyone but myself. I am hanging out between 175 and 180 lbs. I could say that tomorrow is the day that I get back on track, but it is probably a lie. As long as I am working around my parents house I am going to be eating bad. They don't eat healthy which could explain some of my weight problems. I have been eating 1 or 2 meals a day over there and it isn't good for me. Not sure how to get them to eat better. They are very set in thier ways. Ok, I have to get to bed. I am going to make a quick list of things that I want to blog about. Maybe I will have time soon to talk about it all.

Peachtree Road Race.
School for me.
School for the kiddos.
My dad's injury.
My marriage.
My eating and exercise.
My parents eating.
Our vacation to the beach.
How I feel after gaining 15-20 lbs.
Weighing in and competition.

I am sure that there have been more things on my mind lately, but that is all that I can come up with right now without spending a ton of time on thinking about it. Good night.

Where am I?

Darn, it has been so long that I wasn't even sure how to log in here and post. I haven't been doing well diet wise. Stress I guess. What a great excuse. I now weigh 169.5 lbs which is about 6 pounds more than I weighed the last time I updated. I am having surgery on my left leg on May 13th and my right leg on May 27th. I am still planning on running the PRR. I guess we will see. Hope to post a longer update soon. I have finals next week so I gotta study. I am still alive.