Have a day of doubts

Today I am having doubts. I am doubting that I can pull this off. I have another 115 lbs to lose. That number is so big it scares me. I have lost 40.5 lbs. I know that is amazing. Yet I still don't feel proud of that. How can I be proud of that when I have almost 3 times that left to lose? I am ashamed of my size. I don't know how I let myself get over 300 lbs to start with. What was I thinking? How can I keep struggling every day to eat right and lose weight? I am tired of caring so much about what I eat and what I weigh. I want this to all be behind me. I want to wake up in the morning and be thinner and healthier. I know that every morning I wake up a little thinner than the day before or the week before or whatever. I want to wake up and be 115 lbs thinner! I guess as long as I keep on keeping on then one morning I will wake up 115 lbs thinner. Wonder how many mornings I have to wake up fat to get to wake up thin?!?