It has been almost a month since I updated

Where does the time go? My time has been spent at ER's and Doctor offices for the last month. A few weeks ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain. Through every test imaginable I think we have finally narrowed it down to what is wrong with me. I went yesterday and had my stress echo test. Everything checked out a-ok with it. Of course, I have always heard that there is a calm before the storm. When I got home there was a message for me to call my cardiologist for the results of some of the other tests I have had done. It was to late to call them back but I knew that there was something wrong because I signed a wavier saying they could leave test results on the answering machine if they came back normal. I finally called them this morning and they had my carotid artery ultra-scan results. They say that I have a blockage in my left carotid artery. I am not sure how bad the blockage is. I have an appointment on Nov 3rd with a Vascular Surgeon to have more tests done and to discuss surgical options. I am scared beyond belief. My granddaddy died from complications from surgery to remove a blockage in his left carotid artery. I know that there are differences in his case and mine but it still scares the crap out of me. I haven't cried yet but I did come close. As the day goes on I feel more hopeless and more like I need a good cry. Please pray for me but more than that pray for my kids. Mikey and Ella are my world and damn it, I don't want thier mommy to be taken away from them while they are so young. (See, I told you I felt pretty hopeless.)

On the weight loss front I am still pushing through. I am down to 173.5 lbs. I am not sure how much I have lost in the last month as I don't remember how much I weighed the last time I posted. I think I am averaging about 5lbs a month now. Not a whole lot but it is headed in the right direction and it will add up eventually. Now we just have to see if I will live long enough to reach my weight loss and life goals. Wish me luck.

Mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,

"No more monkeys, Jumping on the bed."

Really though, I went to the doctor on Monday. I talked to the doctor for a few mins about what had been going on with my breathing, and he decided to do an EKG. The nurse told me to take my shirt and bra off and cover up with a paper the size of a place-mat. That was pretty funny in and of itself. Then, the nurse came in and grabbed my place-mat sized paper and left me laying on the table totally exposed. Not a big deal except my boobs look like tube socks with tennis balls in them. She then sticks little sensor things all over my chest and tells me that it would be worse if I were a man with a hairy chest. She tells me that it would be worse because the glue off of the sensors gets stuck in thier chest hair. Sorry, but I don't think that would be a bit worse then laying there with my mile long boobs flopped out. When the EKG was done the doctor came back and said that everything looked fine with it. He believes that I just have exercise induced asthma. I am wondering if that is true or if it was just an easy answer. He gave me a script for an inhaler. I have to use it 30 mins prior to exercise for a month and see if that helps. I pray that it does. If it doesn't help I will have to get other tests done. He gave me orders for a chest x ray but I just can't afford to get it done right now. If the inhaler doesn't improve things I will have to find the money and get the chest x ray done. Thanks to everyone that was/is praying for me. It means a lot to know that people are sending up prayers for me. I will update how things go with the inhaler.

Going to the Doctor on Monday

So I am a little freaked right now. I have been thinking for a while that I needed to go to the doctor for some breathing issues that I have when I exercise. When I first started losing weight (304.5 lbs) I could barely breath while exercising. I thought that if I lost weight I would be able to breath better. It isn't that I can't breath in every day life but when I try to exercise I feel like I am going to suffocate. I got a new sports bra thinking that maybe my boobs flopping around when I was trying to exercise was causing part of the problem. It helped a little but not enough. I don't breath through my nose because I can't. I have been told in the past that my adenoids are huge and that may play a part in why I can't breath through my nose, I don't know. I guess I need to face the facts. My dad has heart disease, my granddaddy had heart disease and one of my aunts had heart disease. I am worried that I might have a blockage or something in my heart. I have been kicking around the idea of going to the doctor about this for about a year. This week a lady that is my age and has a daughter my Ella's age had a heart attack. She is slightly overweight and smokes but she is only 32! That isn't old enough for crap like this. She had to have a stint put in and she will be fine, but it still scares me. It scared me into making the call and setting up an appointment. I don't know what the doctor will find if anything but I am scared. I am to young to have heart problems. I know that I have been obese most of my life but I am changing that now. I am to young for this. My kids are to young to not have a mom. Pray for me. Pray that every thing checks out ok. I have lost 123.5 lbs and come to far for this to stop me know.

It's been a couple of weeks. 1 year & 121.5 lbs down!

I am not sure how the last few weeks got away from me without me posting an update. I have been doing pretty well on the weight loss front. On Aug 26th I was down to 184.5 lbs. On Sept 2nd I was down to 183 lbs! Sept 2nd marked 1 year since we started losing weight and getting healthy. I feel like those good habits are second nature to me now. I beat the first year, I can beat the next 35 lbs! Here are two pictures to show my progress.



In 1 year I have lost 121.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In 1 year Jon has lost 85 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We ROCK!!!

Tis that time again.

I lost 3 pounds this week! 3 lbs! I was pretty on track with my eating. I got all of my exercise in. I am really excited about it. I haven't had a big loss like this in a few months. It really helps to believe that I can do it. I have another 36.5 lbs to lose. I wish it was all gone now. I will get there. Slowly but surely. Oh, today I wore a pair of size 14 pants!!! I haven't fit in a size 14 since I was 12 years old! I wanted to be at my goal weight by my 30th birthday. I only have 5 months til then and I don't know if I am going to make it. I sure as heck am gonna try and at least get as close to goal as possible. Wonder what size pants I will wear at 149 lbs. Wow, 185.5 and I can't believe it half the time.

Busy...so busy!

Life has been crazy busy around here for the last week and a half. If you don't know I homeschool my ds (which doesn't mean dear right now!). We decided to give GVA a try this year. Wednesday was our first day of school. Every other day is good. It is the other days that drive me crazy. Math...oy. I need to be medicated. Any way back to the weight loss thing. Last week at weigh in I was 188.5. I lost 1/2 lb last week. I have to weigh in again in the morning. I have my fingers crossed for a bigger loss. I have been eating healthy and exercising every day. I think I can pull out at least a 1 lb loss. We will see. Jon has hit a plateau I think. He has been the same weight give or take a lb for the last month. I hope that the scale is nice to him tomorrow too.

Today's weigh in.

Weight last week: 190
Weight this week: 189

Lost this week: 1 lb

Total lost so far: 115.5 lbs

Left to lose: 40 lbs

Crazy good. Yay me!

Major identity crisis

I know this is probably the stupidest thing to complain about but it is a serious issue for me right now. I am having an identity crisis. I have no idea who I am anymore. I have focused on losing weight so completely that I haven't been very focused on anything else. Everything about me is changing. Of course my body has shrunk considerably but I am changing on the inside as well. I used to believe that shopping for clothes would be easier and more fun when I had lost weight. It is so much harder to clothes shop right now than it has ever been in my life. I go shopping and naturally migrate to the Plus size section. Nothing in that section fits me anymore. I look at the clothes in the normal size section and I feel like a fraud. I feel like I have no business in that section and fully expect one of the employees to come and tell me that I can't shop in that section, that I must shop in the Plus section. I sometimes worry that I used to be nicer than I am now. I am not a jerk but I used to not speak up for myself. I used to feel like a floor mat for other people. Now I don't take it because I deserve better but, I worry that it makes me come off as a jerk. I am so confused. I have no idea who I am, body or mind, anymore.